Adult Kids Trying to Help

Adult Kids Trying to Help

Continuing the conversation….talking about the moves more people in their 80s and 90s are making as they try to come to terms with the inevitable transitions of aging. And also talking about some of the common questions that come up when adult children try to help their aging parents through the difficult process of leaving the family home.

Sound familiar? It seems like everyone knows someone going through a version of this scenario these days. That’s what happens when the population continues to age all around us. 

Even though everyone’s choices around home and life are different, the growing number of stories I hear from my clients are remarkably similar. There are no right ways to navigate the challenges of aging and no simple ways to make it easier. But there is wisdom and comfort in the shared experience.

Sometimes I think that all the media attention surrounding boomers and their struggles with downsizing is actually more of a projection of what their even more elderly parents are going through right now –  a cultural warm-up and harbinger of difficult things to come in a rapidly changing world. 

One where the population is getting older. Where family members are finding themselves scattered far and wide across the country.  Where the world itself is getting more complicated. Where worries about outliving one’s resources are rife.  And where incidents of in-home accidents and cognitive challenges are steadily increasing.

If you are an aging baby-boomer, the handwriting is on the wall. The example is right there in front of you in the guise of your parents. So.. it begs the question, if you are one of those people trying to help…. Where exactly do you start?

And how can you use the experience to prepare for your own journey twenty or thirty years down the road? A tall order for sure, and not one we are going to solve in the next 100 words. But here are a few initial questions to wrap your head around:

Do your parents have a trust? Who are the trustees? Beneficiaries? Did a parent pass years ago? Was there a step-up in basis? Any capital gains implications? How long have they lived in their home?  Where are they moving to? How much do different care options cost? What other resources do they have? Is there a special needs trust for a sibling? Are there other legacy issues? What’s the family dynamic? Who are the decision-makers? What do you do with all the stuff? Who’s going to manage the process?

We’ll wade further into some of these questions next week….